TheBeanBlog

Apparently, when I was out at the doctors yesterday afternoon for my bronchitis the veterinary clinic called.  I didn’t notice the flashing light on the answering machine until this morning when I was making Joe a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  I thought nothing of pushing the button, figuring the messages would be from family just checking in.

Not so, it was more bad news.  It seems as though a new bump that I found about two weeks ago on the back of Malc’s sweet little head is another cancerous tumor.  The doctors want to do surgery again, not only to deform Malc’s little lip but to cut out this new mass.  I have the deep fear now that everytime I go to pet Malc I’m going to find a new suspect bump on him.  My poor little guy can’t catch a break and I’m devasted.  I just want him to be healthy.

I remember reading some crazy article years ago that how a mother’s emotions can have a direct impact on the personality of the child in her womb.  I remember naively (but also in half jest) saying to Joe that we would just have to not fight and I wouldn’t cry for the full nine months when I did get pregnant.  I think I have cried more in the past few months than I have in several years combined. 

One of the lovely symptoms/side effects of my pregnancy has been acne, among other things (reflux, continued nausea, etc) I have been dealing with this ‘pregnancy acne’ since about 5 weeks. Thanks to my sweet, compassionate OB/GYN, I was given a topical cream in my second trimester to help combat the bumps. 

My doctor assured me (and I reasearched on my own that) it was safe for me and the bean.  Despite using the cream religiously and verbatim per my doc’s instructions, I still was seriously lacking that pregnancy glow without multiple layers of expensive foundation and a berry stain for the cheeks.

Yesterday, after getting out of the shower in the morning, I looked in the mirror and realized that my face was perfectly clear. The irony is that I had been homebound and sick for a week so I couldn’t share my happy complexion with the adoring public!  It must have been that my immune system has been working so hard on the bronchitis/sinusitis that it forgot about reacting to the bacteria on my face ha, ha!

This morning I noticed I sprouted a couple along the jawline- ah yes just in time for me to return to work for a half day.  Loverly!

So I went to a new doctor (GP) yesterday because I wasn’t feeling any better.  Sometimes it feels like the universe is working against you.  I’m not going to drag through all the details, but what should have been a quick visit to this new doctor ended up taking hours because they couldn’t figure it out and decide whether or not they would take my insurance. 

I read every piece of text in the patient room waiting for the doctor.  Towards the end I was tearing up, I just wanted to be seen!  Turns out I have bronchitis and a sinus infection. 

So the office tells me they will call in antibiotics and I make my way over to the pharmacy.  The doctors office must have been having a “we’re all retarded day” because it took another hour to get the prescriptions called in.  This was after I called the office twice and the pharmacist called them out of pity for me.  I can’t wait to feel healthy again- I won’t be taking my health for granted anytime soon!

This morning Joe and I had our Oncology consultation for Malcolm.  Their incomplete recommendation (still waiting on test results) is to go back a have more radical surgery which will severely deform his little face.  The good news is that all the preliminary tests performed (ultrasound,chest xray, etc) came up mostly clear.

I have to say I am so completely exhausted from being sick for a week that I can’t fathom Malc or I going through a 4th surgery. I just want my little guy to be healthy.  I’m reserving judgement for when they give me the full report.  

It’s Saturday night and I’m still feeling pretty awful. We had a nice snow storm Friday (our first big one for the season), but I had to rely on Joe for snow totals (around a foot), because I haven’t ventured out since Wednesday.

Yesterday, I had to call in sick for the third day in a row. I’ve only done this twice in my seven years with the company. My maniac boss sent me a nasty-gram asking when such-and-such project would be ready for her to review. Said project was held up by the maniac boss more than a month for various reasons I won’t delve into. After responding politely once and getting another email ’slap’ back from her, I’ve just decided to ignore her altogether.

I wouldn’t wish this bug on my worst enemy, but she tempts me. Note to self: re-calculate countdown to leaving craptastic job…

Apparently colds are amplified to a new level of suffering while pregnant- so my OB/GYN told me at my last appointment. I have to agree! Time to go catch up on more crappy cable TV.

…not getting sick while you are pregnant. I came down with the cold that Joe’s parents have at approximately 2am Wednesday morning.

You ever have a moment where you are around a sick person and they cough or sneeze or spew some some of their infected fluids into the air and you know that you’re doomed to get the same bug? I did when Joe’s dad was hacking up a lung and forgot to cover his mouth- that quiet voice inside my mind said, “yep, that’s it.”

So here I am, somewhat lucid, after sleeping off and on for a few hours. This particular strain of virus seems to cause more coughing than the usual bug. My poor baby must feel like it’s been on a tilt-a-whirl non-stop for the past 36 hours. Last night after a particularly rough coughing fit the bean fought back. I don’t blame her/him for being pissed. It felt like the baby was practicing out some new martial arts moves. Crazy but it reassured me that the bean is ok despite all the jostling.

Well I’m off to try and take a bath and then hopefully back to sleep…29 weeks 3 days

It’s Monday night and I’m wishing I could feel that refreshed, rejuvenated feeling that you sometimes get from a long weekend.  Unfortunately, that’s not the case with this past one.

Not sure if I have mentioned Joe’s Mom before in this blog, but she has chronic progressive multiple sclerosis.  Her condition has worsened since Joe and I first started dating, but we’ve begun to enter a new stage with her illness.  I should preface this by saying she has been bed-ridden and quadriplegic for about 10 years.  It’s been very difficult to watch her continue to weaken through the seven years Joe and I have been together; I can’t imagine what it must be like for Joe, his sister and father.

Last night Joe’s Dad (who lives in the same town, about 10 mins away from us) called to let us know that his Mom came down with a cold.  For the average person a cold is a temporary nuissance, you spend a few days resting up, eating chicken soup and blowing your nose.  Imagine not having the strength to cough up phelgm or sneeze.  Not being able to blow your own nose.  For Joe’s mother a cold can turn into a potentially fatal situation if her airway is restricted. 

We picked up some medicine for them, dropped it off and went back home to have a quiet night.  At about a quarter to midnight Joe’s father called us out of concern.  Joe’s Mom was not able to communicate, she was moaning and seemed to be very upset.  We quickly drove over, along the way my poor husband cried to me and shared how terrified he was that his mother wouldn’t make it to see our baby be born.  I won’t drag through the details- she is stable now, but it was a terrible eye-opener for the family…a realization of how severe and fragile her condition is now.

We spent most of today running errands and trying to help them out as best we can.  Needless to say with the lack of sleep and emotional burden/drain I am exhausted to the point of my hair/scalp aching. 

I wish there was something more I could do for Joe and his family, beyond praying for his Mom.  Because of Joe’s Mom, I thank God every day for the gift of health, and for this strong little life growing inside me.  I hope I can pass along gratitude for life to my child and teach the bean through my actions to not take one day or one loved-one for granted.

I have been losing sight of my toes a little every week.  Yesterday I looked down and didn’t see any, not even the “big piggies.” A frightening experience, along with the new-found difficulty I am having getting up out of chairs and bending over to put on shoes.  ~Nearly 29 weeks

I have refrained from including too much information about my job here because I have really wanted to talk more about my pregnancy and my current child (Malcolm) on this blog.  But I have to break the silence.  I will apologize in advance for an explicatives that follow…

I work for a Fortune 500 company that is truly a freak show.  At this company if you are competent person with a can-do attitude you will get shit on continuously and completely taken advantage of.  I spent seven years fighting for recognition and promotions and have been overlooked at every turn. 

All the while I watch people with a “Can’t-Don’t” perspective, people who give attitudes whenever they are asked for something (or they ignore you altogether), people who generally make other co-workers lives a hell for having ever known them–these individuals are not only rewarded with the same pay increases as myself, but they are given no extra work- so they can spend more time on zappos.com or personal calls. Many of these people are promoted…

I was not always so jaded.  But after years of taking on new projects, going outside my comfort zone and pushing my limits, I have come to I loathe this place with every cell in my being. One of my bosses is a spineless, lazy idiot that takes credit for every creative idea and project I work on.  I call this boss on it, but it goes nowhere.  My other supervisor is a bipolar maniac that bashes you every opportunity she can find.

It’s sad, but when I see my office building approach as I’m driving in, my stomach twists up and I feel tense.  When I walk out the door at night I feel like I can breath again…fresh, beautiful, pure air. 

I must say that I have always been of the mindset that you should be thankful for the job you have.  Until recently I did feel this way.  I guess it doesn’t help that every close friend I’ve had has left the company or been pushed out by this ridiculousness.  The one thing that keeps a smile on my face and has me trudging along (other than kind co-workers in other departments) is my countdown until I can say goodbye to that awful place.  I have about 35 workdays to go, give or take.  And that is a beautiful thing to see in writing!

Last weekend I attempted, and that choice word is an accurate one, to groom my feet. By groom I mean clip, file and paint my toenails so they look somewhat attractive or, if you prefer, not-so-hideous to the darling husband and others who might happen upon my bare toes.

I locked the bathroom door (did not want to be caught in a compromising state) shimmied my bum onto my tub ledge and pulled out the tools. Midway through the third toe I knew I was in trouble. I was sweating and straining around the belly. I debated about whether or not to just paint over the current color, but I made my way through it and pulled out the red polish.

With the dexterity and grace of a hippo I ‘aimed’ for the toenails, but managed to get more on my poor feet- so that when I was finished it looked like a frickin massacre. I remembered reading something about nail polish on skin peeling off easily after it dries so I considered the job done.

The next morning while half awake under the shower stream I glanced down at my sad looking toes and came to the realization that it’s time to start getting pedicures ;o)

After the blow of hearing the dreaded “C” word and that Malc will need additional treatment, I tried to take a step back (not so easy with the raging hormones).  I’m going to remain as positive as possible and do whatever it takes to keep Malc happy and healthy.

Joe and I had a good weekend, did some more work on the nursery.  We made a trip to Babies R’ Us to buy some clothing basics for the bean.  We put together the bassinet.  Malcolm was promptly found snuggling on the pillows that I put in the bassinet to prevent him from getting in there!  He has that instinctual feline urge to investiate anything new that’s introduced into his “domain.” 

Tonight we spent a quiet night at home and I made corned beef and cabbage.  Quite comforting, considering it’s frigid and snowy outside.

I’m amazed at how quickly time is flying.  I wish I could slow down the clock and freeze some moments in time so I can remember this pregnancy and how things “are” before the bean officially gets here. 

Lately Joe and I have been watching my tummy for entertainment at night.  The baby is getting so strong it can make my whole stomach move and shake.  I think the baby also may be going through another growth spurt, because I have developed this need to eat constantly!  Speaking of, I’m off to go grab that third cupcake for the evening…..